Journey To Fitness: 10 Days Out...and counting the seconds.

Sooo, I'm supposed to be at the gym right now...and I'm sitting on the couch writing this instead. It was a rough past week. I'm stuck in a mind rut. Every day I had to talk myself into going. I would even be 2 minutes from the gym and trying to think a way out of going. I skipped Monday, but somehow went Tues- Sat. 2 of those workouts were nothing to write home about....they were actually quite pathetic by competitor standards. But atleast I went and did something. I was recently told that I was a 'do-er'. Apparently, there are 3 kinds of people: starters, doers, and finishers. For some weird reason.... I do really well with my diet and workouts and focus for the main part of the training period (around 9-10 weeks). But oddly enough, as I get closer...I start to lose focus and motivation. I'm not sure if the rigorous workout schedule starts wearing on me, or if it's that I'm SO OVER this diet, or if it's another self-doubt phase- OR maybe all three. But the closer I get, the more I just look forward to it being over.(did I mention I'm so over this diet?!) You'd think I'd be more motivated and excited than ever! Last week, I sat on my computer and looked through pics of the top 15 women from last years Nationals. It was discouraging to say the least. ALL of them looked amazing....and even worse, there were so many women that didn't make the top 10 or 5 and really should have over others. You can't predict what the judges will look for, or what caliber of competitors will show up. I tend to be pretty hard on myself, and I'm extremely competitive....and the thought of going through ALL this hard work and sacrafice and then making the trip to Atlanta....and then not placing, just really bothers me. I start to think, 'well, there's not much more I can change or do in the next 10 days... so it is what it is.' I know, this is NOT where my head should be...but it's what I struggle with. My friend Erin seems to be a finisher. She has been more motivated than ever and is doing great! I wish I was there. I am so close to the culmination of all this effort and planning....NOW is not the time to SLACK!
I can definitely tell that I'm carb free. I have no desire to burn calories at the gym...and no energy to do so. Working out feels so much better when you have energy to burn! It's also much more enjoyable when you don't feel obligated. I have also been struggling big time to overcome my weight plateau. I competed a few weeks ago at 118- and I really need to hit 114 or less for Nationals. I have never been more strict, or worked harder than I have this past month...and the scale WILL.NOT.MOVE. It's extremely frustrating. I'm sure many of you can relate. I have 'up-ed' my cardio to 1 hour a day, and never drink less than 1 gallon of water per day. This may be TMI, but I am wondering if I'll skip my period in November. It's always the very beginning of the month...and my last competition season I skipped it for 2 months (because I got so lean). I know it seems crazy... but if I get it in the next few days, it means I'm not lean enough. I have a feeling I won't get it- but I did have it in October. Maybe I'm hormonal and that's the reason for all my emotional wacky-ness and intense cravings this past week. Whatever it is....I hope this funk is coming to an end so I can finish these last 10 days STRONG. I have worked too hard and want to win so bad! (or place well).
Both Erin and I have no idea what to expect. We could both do well, one of us do well, or neither of us do well. I think the only expectation we should have is to have fun and rock the stage! My friend gave me a good pep-talkin yesterday and reminded me that I have only been at this for 8 months. I have made huge changes and am really just beginning. It may be a little aggressive of a goal to expect to win a pro card this fast. But hey- shoot for the moon...and if you don't quite make it, atleast you'll be amongst the stars...
Whatever happens.... we are already winners and neither one of us are going to let anything get in the way of our positive momentum. So- that's the update. I'm about to hit the gym for cardio (at 9 pm). No excuses.

LOVING my new kicks!

Happy Halloween! One up-side to being really fit is that all Halloween outfits look good on:) But then you go to the parties and can't eat any of the food or drink any of the drinks....